When you are a civilized type of person, and you have been drinking gin all night, and you step out the front door at 5:50 AM, when the sky remains as black as your most fondly regarded sins, so that you may walk the dog and clear your juniper-besotted mind with an amenable bit of lightly chilled Marvin Gaye, the following should not be anywhere in sight:
- Fifteen full-grown women spread out across the darkened lawn of the middle school, flailing through a series of jumping jacks with little five-pound chick-weights, before setting off, as one, on a determined slog-jog up a large hill.
- One full-grown man, clad entirely in sweat-wicking Spandex and sun-blocking Oakley despite the cool pre-dawn air and rather pervasive pre-dawn darkness, buzzing you in a $5000 racing bike with attached night-light.
One day, should I be awake, I will stride into a gym Saturday at 11:00 AM, just in time for the cardio blitz, wearing pajama pants and a loose-fitting T-shirt, and I will pull up a chair in front of the yoga mats and rhythmically jangle a cocktail shaker in time with the Exertion Grunts, while smoking. If anyone questions me, I will loudly share my thoughts on Modigliani, and demand that someone “freshen my morning tea” while shaking a cocktail glass in their general direction and cackling.
If I have to be confronted with gross caricatures of their kind when I try to take peaceful advantage of the nighttime, they should have to be confronted with gross caricatures of my kind every time they take sweaty advantage of the day.
Cocksuckers.
October 2nd, 2009 at 10:10
I thought you were beginning to take life too seriously, until I saw the Eddie Hazel post above.