Dec 152008
 

Another day at Austin’s finest Asian mega-grocery brings you:

Squid Jerky
“Best Quality Food”

Strangely enough, at the My Thanh Supermarket, squid jerky (dried shredded squid) is, along with food coloring, yeast balls and “ginger candy,” marketed at the register as an impulse buy. Somebody is relying either on customers to think to themselves, “Shit, I almost forgot squid jerky!” or on children to tug at their parent’s sleeves and beg for a bag of squid jerky as a special treat. Whatever the logic, it worked hard on me.

The packaging seems to be in some manner of Chinese, but the country of origin is not listed. It is also not hot at all, despite flagrant indications to the contrary (in fact, it contains no spices whatsoever), but it is disconcertingly sweet. And, in case you were wondering: an entire bag of squid jerky offers 176 calories, no fat, and a solid 100% of your daily cholesterol allowance.

Chocky Stick
“That’s Delicious and fun”

Piracy is not dead; it just changed focus from doubloons, parrots, peglegs and preying on the Spanish to CDs, movies, candy and preying on the Japanese. Your piratical friends in Thailand bring you this barely disguised knockoff Pocky. I don’t particularly like Pocky – and I like even less what it represents, which is scads of awkward teenagers in black leather and acne bloom trying to make a statement about their uniqueness and affection for terrible manga by buying it – so of course I couldn’t resist making an economic stand against historic Japanese imperialism and the wretchedness of otaku culture by purchasing a box of Chocky. That’s for Pearl Harbor! And for making me sit through twelve episodes of Cowboy Bebop before realizing that great music, appealing design and abundant jazz references still couldn’t lift the anime curse of murky, erratic plotting, terrible writing and excessive T&A! Take that, Hirohito!

I love your cuisine and cutlery, though. Keep the Pocky; send more ankimo.

Also, incidentally, Chocky sticks are less chocky, more chalky.

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